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Thought provoking rctiale. The issue of  rape  and non consensual sex has been evolving in my mind these past few years. I always took the opinion that rape was violent, forceful and that resistance was given. I have been told over the course of these past few years that rape (or non consensual sex) is often more passive and happens more often then most people are aware of and is spoken of relatively little. This still makes me wonder a bit, if you don't want to have sex and the person is not going to physical assault you why not stop it and draw a perimeter (okay, maybe our  fantastic  culture is to blame)? I have been told stories of two people who are sexually aroused and then one decides that they don't want to continue but the other presses and even after verbal resistance they continue to approach until the other person becomes passive and just kind of waits it out, or, has sex non consensually.Still seems a little weird to me  I guess i have this distorted view of women, because of my mother, that they are all very aggressive and  don't put up with no shit  and will kick you in the balls. Then again, this type of behavior was learned  by her due to certain circumstances, if you catch my drift. I don't really understand completely yet the whole passive victim idea yet but i think it has to do with fear and repression and psychological domination. I do understand that one is doing something they don't want to and being subject to domination via another's will and that this causes emotional and physical stress.  But this is not the primary comment i wanted to make.There has recently been work done on investigating hierarchy structures in  open  systems, like the internet. It seems that one of the hypothesis is that in open systems power structures form which are often more inclusive and secretive then top down systems and that the idea of a completely bottom up crowd power  is kind of an illusion. Simply because there is free access to domains of the environment (internet) does not discount the impact which cultural suggestions can have on people, and in essence a type of control structure can be formalized with this in mind. Most people believe that when they surf the internet that they are free to go wherever they please but i have a hunch that there are strong cultural forces which limit where they would be willing to go openly. I remember feeling this the other day concerning wikileaks and plans to introduce some type of internet control because of these types of threats. I was so against the idea that i didn't even want to look at the video of the people meeting to discuss this because i was afraid of their plans  But i eventually watched it and it seemed they will have to fight a bit harder to get their agenda across still.When something goes from an idea to an action on the internet there is generally some type of hierarchy system that spontaneously assembles. Massive distribution and decentralization works for machines better then humans i believe, i mean look at the  operation pay back  folks, that was a cluster of chaos and disorderly anarchy at it's best. The crowd is hard to appease and function efficiently in whole when the who crowd it self is giving orders.
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not that i expect ahtnniyg more from tracey cox (who had one method of sex therapy called lets make a tv show about your secx life  that'll fix the problem) but what she has written there is shocking. but this is all too familiar. with the shoe on the other foot, i read an article in marie claire (train journey, bored) about what to do if your boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with you. the article summed up by saying  but be honest, maybe it's you. have you been slobbing out in tracksuits or put on weight? no where in this article or in tracey cox's article was it suggested that you should talk to you partner, discuss why you feel this way, discuss the problems you might be experiencing etc etc.the whole phrasing in cox's response, her whole attitude to women's bodily autnomy is frightening! and what if you're not married? are you allowed to not feel like sex then? or do you only give up your right to say no when you are married? rage rage rage! yes james i take your point that a duty shag isn't the same as coercive rape but having been someone who in the past has consented to sex when most decidedly not wanting to (something i don't do any more thank goodness!) i can tell you it leaves you feeling horrible, cheap and used. i am sure her husband would not want to make her feel that way. sex is about mutuality and feeling comfortable with someone, and having fun! surely that is what is most important! and half consenting to duty sex is not about that. cath  i totally second your advice.

Revision as of 06:02, 15 March 2012

not that i expect ahtnniyg more from tracey cox (who had one method of sex therapy called lets make a tv show about your secx life that'll fix the problem) but what she has written there is shocking. but this is all too familiar. with the shoe on the other foot, i read an article in marie claire (train journey, bored) about what to do if your boyfriend doesn't want to have sex with you. the article summed up by saying but be honest, maybe it's you. have you been slobbing out in tracksuits or put on weight? no where in this article or in tracey cox's article was it suggested that you should talk to you partner, discuss why you feel this way, discuss the problems you might be experiencing etc etc.the whole phrasing in cox's response, her whole attitude to women's bodily autnomy is frightening! and what if you're not married? are you allowed to not feel like sex then? or do you only give up your right to say no when you are married? rage rage rage! yes james i take your point that a duty shag isn't the same as coercive rape but having been someone who in the past has consented to sex when most decidedly not wanting to (something i don't do any more thank goodness!) i can tell you it leaves you feeling horrible, cheap and used. i am sure her husband would not want to make her feel that way. sex is about mutuality and feeling comfortable with someone, and having fun! surely that is what is most important! and half consenting to duty sex is not about that. cath i totally second your advice.

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